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WTF, Askimet?

21 May

I’m beginning to think my blog is broken. Askimet is marking every comment as spam… even my own comments. Once a comment has been approved, the commenter is no longer supposed to be moderated.

99.999% of all comments on this blog are, in fact, spam. I chuckle when I read the spam comments telling me how informative my “In The Meantime…” post is. Still, if my own comments — as well as previously approved commenters — are getting eaten by Askimet, that’s a sign that there’s a problem.

I’ll try to fix it soon, but for now, I’ll just keep a close eye on the spam filter.

Great Moments in History as filmed with a Smartphone, Part One: The Hindenburg Disaster

18 May

The people who insist on filming vertically with their cellphones have latched on to the excuse “the phone is easier to hold that way”. Well, guess what? It doesn’t make it any easier to watch. The day you actually film something of value and want to watch it on another medium such as a DVD, your laziness will trump any significance the footage contains.


If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing right. If you want your friends and family to enjoy the footage you’ve taken, quit cutting off two-thirds of the picture. Imagine if a friend of yours wanted you to listen to the song they just wrote, and your friend didn’t even bother to tune his guitar, claiming, “it’s easier to play that way.” Vertical filming is to the eyes what an out-of-tune guitar is to the ears, capiche?

Celebrating the demise of Prenda with Thee Shatners

7 May

Lovers of schadenfreude have been following the Prenda case for several months now, and yesterday the internet had a collective nerdgasm when Judge Otis Wright issued a scathing ruling replete with Star Trek references. Music lovers might want to commemorate the occasion by busting out the Alexander Courage records — which is not at all a bad idea — but today I’m celebrating with an obscure little platter entitled Planet Pimp Records Presents… Thee Shatners.

If you like lo-fi surf/garage rock, you’ll enjoy the hell out of this record. It features twelve reverb-laden tunes that pay tribute to the exploits of the USS Enterprise and its crew (and a “mystery track” that’s really just some old man ranting about the homeless people in Santa Cruz). Pretty much every other surf/garage album I own has better musicianship and superior production values, but I can’t think of a single one that’s more fun than this record. (Dick Dale’s “Miserlou” is done as “Mr. Sulu”!)

Minutiae: Thee Shatners were a one-off side project of the California bay area band, The Hi-Fives. Also, fellow space-themed rawkers Man… or Astro-Man? covered Thee Shatners’ “Green Blooded Love” and featured it in their live shows.

Finally, here’s the album’s second track, “He’s Dead Jim”

Craigslist and Butthurt is a dangerous combination

23 Jul

For some unknown reason, I read the local musician’s section at Craigslist on a regular basis. I honestly don’t know why, since most of the ads there are for Iron Maiden/Metallica/Misfits tribute bands or some form of heavy metal that is either brutal or intense, or both.

Every now and then, I get the urge to respond. The other day I had a little fun with all the “intense” stuff being posted, and a couple of people joined in on the fun.

Last night, I came across this ad, featuring this gem of a line:

if you consider yourself an “intellectual musician”, or if your first question is if i have anything recorded for you to hear, your not the type of person i’m looking for

To which I responded:

In other words, you’re looking for unintelligent, unthinking people who aren’t the least bit curious about what they’re getting themselves into.
Good luck with that. I’m sure you’ll attract some real creative types with that attitude.

This is what I found in my inbox this morning (I didn’t make any changes other than to remove the guy’s name):

If your ever done being a little bitch who hides behind post and emails, my name is [redacted] i’m from Annaville, i’ll be glad to meet you any where any time. In fact, i’m down town most nights. Feel free to ask around.

My response (Again, I’ve removed the guy’s name):

[redacted]? The [redacted]? Swoon!

How about this: at High Noon today (that’s when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 12), you meet me at the corner of Eat Shit and Die.

Seriously, what kind of goddamned loser gets so butthurt over a Craigslist posting that he has to puff up his big ol’ chest and threaten an ass-whoopin’? That’s right, a loser like [redacted], that’s who! There’s no need for me to ask around about you, I’ve got you figured out: you’re a fucking moron and a wannabe thug.

Instead of making an ass out of yourself by playing internet tough guy, why don’t you pick up your guitar and write some whiny emo song about how your poor little feelings got hurt and you had to lash out like The Hulk… HULK ANGRY!!! HULK SMASH!!! HULK WRITE BUTTHURT EMAIL!!! AAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!

Thanks for emailing me. It’s nice to start the day off with a laugh, especially when that laugh is at the expense of an idiot.

Have a nice day,

JLB

Furthermore, I posted this to Craigslist:

If you read something on Craigslist — or anywhere else on the internet, for that matter — that upsets, offends, or otherwise upsets your delicate sensibilities, it’s probably best to just move on to the next post, page, article, LOLcat, YouTube video, or whatever.

However, if you are so upset that you absolutely must respond, the last thing you should do is play the Internet Tough Guy and threaten violence. It doesn’t matter how tough you are; when you threaten violence over the internet, you’re just making yourself the butt of a joke. We’re not laughing with you, we’re laughing at you.

I realize that most people here have spent the requisite 5 minutes in the civilized world needed to learn this valuable lesson, but apparently there are a few folks who didn’t get the memo.

If I hear back from my new friend, I’ll update accordingly. Also, the links in this post a subject to dying at any time, with little or no notice.

Bill Maher sees a chance to be a dick, can’t pass it up.

23 Jul

I hadn’t planned on writing about the tragedy in Aurora, Colorado. In fact, I kind of felt a little bad that my inaugural post — a review of Battle Royale — coincided with the event, but since I have a readership of two or three people (counting myself), it didn’t really matter at the time.

It’s to be expected that politicians and pundits would use the tragedy as an excuse to further whatever bullshit agenda they’re hawking. Republican congressman Louie Gohmert threw his asshat into the ring by stating:

What really gets me as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs and then a senseless crazy act of terror like this takes place

Of course, rather than issuing an apology, he fell back on the tried-and-true “taken out of context” gambit. Dickhole.

Not to be outdone, smug fuckface Bill Maher decided to take a break from being painfully unfunny and issued the following garbage on Twitter:

Rt wingers luv to tout American Exceptionalism – today is a reminder that so many of the things that make us exceptional these days are bad.

If anything, Maher’s typing that bullshit out in teenage-girl textspeak only serves as a reminder as to why I don’t bother with Twitter; it’s killing political discourse and the English language at the same time.

Bill Maher is probably too intoxicated on his own sense of self-satisfaction to remember that a similar tragedy occurred in Norway not too long ago. Glenn Beck used that tragedy to further his own whacked out agenda, and he was an asshole for doing it then, just like Maher is an asshole for doing it now.

The truth is, I’m not at all upset at Maher. It’s his job to be a stupid dick. I’m more upset at the millions of Americans who rely on people such as Bill Maher, Jon Stewart, Steven Colbert, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, and Ann Coulter for their “news”. Personally, I’ve got no problem with Stewart and Colbert. I think they’re funny… most of the time. But that’s just it; thinking they’re funny does not translate into “I think they’re reliable sources of information”.

When your entire schtick consists of mocking your opponents’ point of view, you’re setting yourself up to look like an insensitive asshole whenever something serious comes up. Using day-to-day politics as a starting point for scoring cheap “gotchas” is fine and dandy, but using a tragedy to do so… well, it only underscores the reasons why people should rely on more serious sources for their news.

All these pundits — from Maher to Coulter — are simply entertainers. Nothing more, nothing less. You might glean some tidbits of relevant information by listening to them, but in the end, being well-entertained does not make you well-informed.

I just realized…

21 Jul

I really don’t like the way this blog renders italics. I have two options: dig through a bunch of files and try to change it, or; simply change the theme. I’ll probably just find a different theme. Be patient.