When I was kid, Chick Tracts were pretty common. It would seem that over the years, the missionary crowd has realized that “Jesus comic books” aren’t exactly the most effective way of carrying out The Great Commission, because I haven’t seen an actual hard copy version of a Chick Tract in years (although I hear they were handing out some of the more infamous anti-Catholic tracts at local showings of The Passion of the Christ).
Jack Chick is probably about 200 years old now, but he’s still churning out new tracts (in the Grand Scheme of Things, 2005 is brand-spankin’ new in the Jack Chick universe). What better way to piss off and alienate your relatives on Thanksgiving than to hand out copies of The Missing Day?
I’ve always been amazed – considering how Jesus is supposed to be the way, the truth and the life and all that other jazz – how utterly full of shit some of his Fan Club can be.
For example, how fact-inhibited do you have to be to make the claim that kids can’t say “Thanksgiving” at school? I’m sure in places like Scandanavia, Southeast Asia and Outer Durkadurkastan you don’t hear schoolchildren say “Thanksgiving”, but that might be because – and I’m going out a limb here, I know – THEY DON’T FUCKING CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING IN THOSE COUNTRIES. Yeah, our schools are fucked-up enough that I’m sure someone could dig up an example of a principal at some elementary school trying to advance a “Don’t say ‘Thanksgiving’” policy, but for every such story, I’m sure there’s a follow-up article about a certain elementary school principal not having his contract renewed.
This, however, is my favorite panel in the tract:
Wow, Squanto spoke perfect English! Jesus must’ve miracled some Rosetta Stone software to Squanto! Then again, it might be because – and again, I’m going to go out on a limb, here – Squanto learned English by coming in contact with English explorers some 15 years before the arrival of the Puritans on The Mayflower. Besides, who’s to say Squanto spoke perfect English? It’s quite possible he ended his sentences with prepositions, misused the word “literally” and used the word “infer” when he really meant “imply”.
I was really hoping the title of this tract was referring to “Joshua’s Missing Day“, but I guess the folks at Chick Publications figured they’d fulfilled the bullshit quota for one tract.
Incidentally, Jack Chick is notoriously litigious, so there’s a distinct possibility that I’ll get a nasty takedown request from his lawyers for simply using two panels from his gay-ass tract. Fair Use, bitches.
A tip of the hat to my brother for turning me on to this tract.
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