For some unknown reason, I read the local musician’s section at Craigslist on a regular basis. I honestly don’t know why, since most of the ads there are for Iron Maiden/Metallica/Misfits tribute bands or some form of heavy metal that is either brutal or intense, or both.
Every now and then, I get the urge to respond. The other day I had a little fun with all the “intense” stuff being posted, and a couple of people joined in on the fun.
Last night, I came across this ad, featuring this gem of a line:
if you consider yourself an “intellectual musician”, or if your first question is if i have anything recorded for you to hear, your not the type of person i’m looking for
To which I responded:
In other words, you’re looking for unintelligent, unthinking people who aren’t the least bit curious about what they’re getting themselves into.
Good luck with that. I’m sure you’ll attract some real creative types with that attitude.
This is what I found in my inbox this morning (I didn’t make any changes other than to remove the guy’s name):
If your ever done being a little bitch who hides behind post and emails, my name is [redacted] i’m from Annaville, i’ll be glad to meet you any where any time. In fact, i’m down town most nights. Feel free to ask around.
My response (Again, I’ve removed the guy’s name):
[redacted]? The [redacted]? Swoon!
How about this: at High Noon today (that’s when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 12), you meet me at the corner of Eat Shit and Die.
Seriously, what kind of goddamned loser gets so butthurt over a Craigslist posting that he has to puff up his big ol’ chest and threaten an ass-whoopin’? That’s right, a loser like [redacted], that’s who! There’s no need for me to ask around about you, I’ve got you figured out: you’re a fucking moron and a wannabe thug.
Instead of making an ass out of yourself by playing internet tough guy, why don’t you pick up your guitar and write some whiny emo song about how your poor little feelings got hurt and you had to lash out like The Hulk… HULK ANGRY!!! HULK SMASH!!! HULK WRITE BUTTHURT EMAIL!!! AAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!
Thanks for emailing me. It’s nice to start the day off with a laugh, especially when that laugh is at the expense of an idiot.
Have a nice day,
JLB
Furthermore, I posted this to Craigslist:
If you read something on Craigslist — or anywhere else on the internet, for that matter — that upsets, offends, or otherwise upsets your delicate sensibilities, it’s probably best to just move on to the next post, page, article, LOLcat, YouTube video, or whatever.
However, if you are so upset that you absolutely must respond, the last thing you should do is play the Internet Tough Guy and threaten violence. It doesn’t matter how tough you are; when you threaten violence over the internet, you’re just making yourself the butt of a joke. We’re not laughing with you, we’re laughing at you.
I realize that most people here have spent the requisite 5 minutes in the civilized world needed to learn this valuable lesson, but apparently there are a few folks who didn’t get the memo.
If I hear back from my new friend, I’ll update accordingly. Also, the links in this post a subject to dying at any time, with little or no notice.
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